We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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