remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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