saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
