I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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