I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
