He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
