He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
