I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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