Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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