Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
