i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
