i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
