I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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