i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.�
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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