Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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