Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
