your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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