so that wasnt chicken after all
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
