There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
