Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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