They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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