This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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