the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
