I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
