We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
