yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Randomize
