You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
