Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
