Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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