Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My vagina is officially offended.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
