During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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