Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
