Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
You smell like stripper and shame
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
