Don't you send me to vm
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
