So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Randomize
