6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
