i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
