Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
