that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
