She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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