i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Couch. On fire.
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