The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
