I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Well I just put wine in my tea
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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