Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
