The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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