i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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