Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
