Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he was CRYING into my vagina
she told me i tasted like america
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
