Only a mothe r could love this liver
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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