I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
