We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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