Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
