I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
