is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
